Lingerie

Lingerie is a term for fashionable and possibly alluring undergarments. (Wikipedia)

Lingerie is today's topic. I recently discovered (after cleaning out my closet and other compartments in my room) that more than half of my clothes are outdated, come from undergraduate clubs, or feature clip art of goats on the back (from said undergraduate clubs). As such, I decided to revamp my wardrobe and have been slowly adding item after new item.

First thing on the agenda was to try and sell the majority of my semi-fashionable, not-terribly-worn-out clothes to Plato's Closet for cash. For those of you who aren't familiar, Plato's Closet is a buy-and-sell store which will offer you 1/3rd of the money that they plan to make off of buying your gently worn items and selling them back to the general population. Since most of the items that you can buy cost between $5 and $30, that usually means you make somewhere between $1.50 and $10 for every item you sell. So in the long run...it ain't much...but if you measure it in Dunkin Donuts iced coffees, it equal something beautiful.

The unfortunate thing is that they're really REALLY picky about what they'll take from you. This ain't the Salvation Army. This ain't Goodwill. This is goddamn PLATO'S CLOSET. This is the cream o' the crop for used clothing. I've seen ladies toting Coach purses get their Uggs rejected for being a bit too weatherstained.

BUT...if you bring your clothes in one week, get rejected and then wait til' the next one to show another employee...you may just luck out. What's fashionable is clearly subjective even at Plato's Closet...some of the girls might just like your outdated Sketchers, where the week before another employee turned their nose up.

I've done this many times. "Playing the system."

So after successfully selling some of my oldies (and squandering the money on coffee), I decided it was time to go out and make some purchases. It was time to try and define "fashionable" for a "future professional" while still showing my age. And of course, I actually had to fit into the clothes. This statement may make me seem old, but I feel like half of the items for sale in stores today have some sort of gaudy giant design on them or are ridiculously expensive or made of material about the width of an atom. Shopping wasn't this hard in college, was it? Looking back at pictures from my undergrad on facebook, I marvel at my giant thick eyebrows and expansive collection of sweatshirts and tshirts and stained pants (I worked in a barn) and wonder if I did indeed ever shop. Yes, shopping probably was this hard. But I just never gave a shite. Animal science majors aren't known for their classy good looks and trendsetting abilities, and I was certainly no exception.

Indecisiveness is another unfortunate trait of mine which makes it extremely difficult to shop. I always end up going back and forth on items and eventually buy them, only to keep the tags on and prance around the house in them for a few days before deciding that no, they don't make my butt look good. And then I'll sheepishly return them, and no, I wouldn't like to exchange for something else...and it's okay, you don't have to wish me a good day since you just had to put that money back onto my credit card...

In fact, the only thing that I find easy to buy is underwear. It's just there, in four simple sizes, in a multitude of colors and fabrics...the possibilities are endless. My friend and I had a long conversation the other day about buying underwear. Strangely enough, there are few things that make you feel nicer than knowing that the bra and underwear that you're wearing MATCH. I think we girls appreciate cute underclothes more than men ever could. And honestly, how often does good lingerie get appreciated? Chances are, if you match your underoutfit before going to the bar, if anyone "sees" it, it will be quickly removed and tossed aside in a drunken flourish. It's dark, and blue looks like black (and maybe he's colorblind? you don't know) or you're both a bit fuzzy, and "ouch ouch you're on my hair" annnnddddd things just get thrown and then it's a fun little game to find everything in the morning. And if you've been married for awhile, you've replaced those cute things with a big ole' t-shirt. So really, the only time that I could conceivably see lingerie getting appreciated is if you've finally got over that awkward initial part of dating or you're going on your honeymoon or trying to win somebody back. Maybe I'm wrong and this is just the animal science major in me talking, but I think that most lingerie is just plain ol' under utilized and under appreciated.

And also...just WHO is Victoria, and what is her secret?

That's all.