Cats Underfoot

Why is it that no matter where you go, cats are somehow always underfoot?

My two cats, Sparta and Dexter (seen high-fiving at left) have made it their personal goal to continuously try and trip me wherever I walk in the house.

Okay, that was really just an excuse to put up a picture of the little devils. I'm really a proud mom, even if they do eat me out of house and home and never give me a moment's peace. It's just further confirmation for me that kids are probably not something I should consider for a while since I get annoyed quickly with the cats. And cats don't scream and soil diapers.

Today's topic is going to have to be about awkwardness. There are just some people in the world born awkward, and I am one of them. I continuously second guess everything I say and do, and will think about a seemingly innocuous conversation up to hours later.

It shouldn't be so hard to say "hi" to people at a desk on the way into the gym, should it? For me, for some reason, I freak myself out thinking about things like that. How long do I hold eye contact for? Do I wave? Do I stop and chat for a bit? These things make it so that on my most awkward days, I'd almost rather avoid it all together and go running outside.

It's usually nothing that the other person is doing that makes me feel this way. Granted, some people can make anyone feel awkward...say, if they stare or just sorta nod and glaze over or don't respond quickly enough, but most people are okay. I'm a raging extrovert, and as such, when I don't get any sort of conversation go-ahead (smiling, body posture, etc etc) I internally freak out and feel like I'm saying something wrong. In response, I talk more, which is probably completely overwhelming for introverts and seems crazy to everyone else. I'm also from Boston, which complicates things...occasionally I'll throw a "wicked" in there and talk way too quickly. There have been a few instances in Michigan where I'll have to repeat myself two or three times before someone catches what I'm saying.

And yet, when I ask close friends (who know my strange social anxieties very well) whether or not they thought a conversation I had with someone in front of them was awkward, they say no. Or, they'll say "we know YOU felt awkward, but it didn't seem that way." Well thank god for that. And stranger yet, other people who I hardly know will tell me I'm "good at breaking the ice." Really? Cause unless breaking the ice means me falling through a gaping crack into icy water and floundering around until a rescuer comes, I don't see it.

However, one thing I always try to remind myself of is that there are always two sides to the story. If you pass someone in the hall, and you make that second of awkward eye contact and start into a half-wave which turns into you fixing your hair, just remember...they did the same thing. They could have said "hi," they could have smiled, and they didn't. So you aren't the only awkward guilty party.

Oh, oh...and the worst is when you say "hi" to someone in passing, or try to talk to them ("Hey, Wanda!" or whathaveyou) and it turns out its NOT Wanda or they never catch it and just keep walking....oooooh those are bad days. Those make me feel like melting into the floor.

The only cure for my awkwardness (even if it is only me FEELING less awkward, not necessarily BEING less awkward), which I feel like isn't much of a cure at all, is a bit of liquid courage. The amount of times that I wish I had had a glass of wine before a certain interaction is uncountable. It's a bad habit, no doubt.

So...there's a bit of self-critique. I don't know where this odd trait came from... I never noticed it in myself when I was younger, but it has sprouted and grown and taken over the garden since I've grown up.

Maybe if you met me in person, you'd disagree. Maybe I seem completely normal. I'll never know. Just don't tell me that I'm acting awkward, because it'll only make it worse.