Grape vodka tonic

Hold onto your seats, this is about to get personal.

Some people just get you. I used to think that those Meyer's-Briggs personality tests and that sort of thing were complete bullshit, but I've reevaluated. I'm an ENFJ- extroverted, intuitive, feeling and judging, and as such...I like when I really make connections with people. The most rewarding times in my life are when I've really melded with a fellow human, when I've made great strides emotionally and improved myself. Connecting with people makes me feel complete. I need people.

Less often, I need alone time...but this summer it was necessary. All of the stress of the school year, both good and bad, clutters the mind...it can make you into someone that you don't completely recognize...an imposter. This imposter is a single-minded person who forgets that they know how to draw, and write, and play music. In these few short weeks since school ended, I've done a lot of necessary mind cleansing. Running along the quiet roads of Okemos, past the MSU beef farm and down some dirt paths and through the school districts, I thought (and think)...a lot. Running clears my head and helps me focus. I cherish it. During the year, time sped by so fast and I had so much to do that I never got a chance to just think and sit still. There was always something on my plate. I can pinpoint the exact best moment of my semester, and it had nothing to do with acing tests or knowing something that someone else didn't. It was as simple as watching tv with someone. Once the last final ended, and I had time to decide what I wanted to do with myself during the day...having complete control...it's finally allowed me time to reflect.

Some of these runs would be so refreshing and powerful that I would just start smiling mid stride and bound along like a dumb idiot. Sometimes, when I was just sipping coffee and reading books, I'd get choked up. I read a book called "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall which chronicled the experiences of an ordinary journalist who ended up competing in a 50 mile race against an ancient Mexican tribe and other ultrarunners in the Copper Canyons. One part of the book talked about a young female runner, the "Brujita" (witch, in Spanish) who was running a ridiculously long and arduous race in Colorado and nearly quit. It then transitioned into her inner monologue, in which (I'm paraphrasing here) she "realized what needed to be done, and felt like a mountain lion again."

The quote made emotion swell up inside me. I felt so happy for her, so connected to her. I've felt like that before when I drag the last efforts from the dregs of my body during a race. Felt like a powerful and unstoppable creature, even if I've lost my form or scuffed my toe or in reality look no better than the 70 year old running next to me. I knew exactly what she meant.

This summer, it was like all of the emotions that I had put aside during the year were finally allowed to come bubbling up, even at inappropriate times. Just like every other form of energy in the universe, sometimes emotional energy just needs to be released. You can't keep it in forever or it will leak from you.

Tonight, while getting a drink at Leo's with a friend, I felt the same swell of emotion. Maybe it was the lighting, maybe it was the alcohol, but everything felt so crystal clear...just reflecting on life with her. We bounced ideas off each other. Some people just get you. She's also an ENFJ. We understand each other...nothing is awkward or off limits. She accepted something in our past which I thought any other person would condemn me for. There are so few people that I know would do the same.

That's what I'm looking for throughout my life. People that get me. They've been few and far between so far, but my relationship with them has made me better? for lack of a more appropriate term. Cliches are cliches for a reason. There's sometimes no better way to say things. Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong profession. Most ENFJs are teachers, artists, counselors, etc. They aren't scientists. Scientists tend to be more focused, logical, introverted. They most definitely have similar emotions, but they won't spill them so readily. I wouldn't call myself emotional, just good at expressing what I'm feeling. I don't have crazy mood swings, I don't become irrational. I just feel very in touch with my own psyche.

Another one of those people that "gets me" now lives in the UK, and I think of her and miss her often. With these people, it's so easy. You can communicate without words, they can complete your sentences. They aren't completely alike in every sense...they may have different tastes in music, tv, art, etc...but they get you where it counts. She sent me a poster recreation of a veterinary clinic painting from France. I got it in the mail the other day, and on the back she had scrawled "saw this in France and thought you could hang it up in your clinic some day." I see things that remind me of her all the time. That's how you know when you've really bonded with someone. She will always be one of my best friends.

My ultimate goal in life isn't to hit it big, get rich or have a great career....it's to meet a man that completely gets me. The last person I met was important to me for many reasons. They helped me to truly understand what I was looking for. What I was missing. What I could have, more or less, with some necessary changes. I saw shadows of my own personality in the things that they told me about themselves. There was an unexplored emptiness in some of the things that they did...a wall which I never succeeded in breaking down. If things had continued, I feel as though we could have had the kind of conversations that my friend from Leo's and I had tonight. Maybe it would have helped us both. For better or worse, I miss this person, but at least I can still look back and smile and think of them fondly.

Most every one person that you've ever had a one on one conversation with outside of topics such as weather, jobs, school, etc, has most likely left a mark on you in some way, shape or form. I think of these conversations as little tokens. The more people I talk to and meet and learn from, the more knowledge and understanding I obtain. Whenever I go to a bar, I feel like I'm wasting chances when I just sit around and talk to the same people that I always do. Not that talking to them is useless, or old, or boring, just that I'm giving up the opportunity to meet someone or something that could change my life. I feel restless. I want to meet so many people and go so many places. I'm lucky that I'm only 23.

I feel as though I will die happy if I've traveled, and always stay connected to someone who understands who I am. Without people, I'm nothing. I love myself, and who I've become, but I need to share myself with people to be truly happy. This summer I've really grown and have felt moments of inner peace so strong that it makes me feel as though nothing can hold me back. I feel like a mountain lion again.